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No, you didn't-

[She's quick to try and reassure on that point, at least, that it wasn't his fault, but it's also too late to stop it now, and the tears escape onto her cheeks despite how much harder she bites into her lip trying to prevent it.]

I just- I don't want us to not be friends just because you think I like you- Even if I did, I know it wouldn't work, because if we're stuck here I'm never going to find anyone and I'll die a childless spinster-

[There's almost only two-legged humans, and everyone... Everyone seemed to be disgusted or weirded out by the idea of humans and jinba marrying. Hell, even she thinks it's kind of weird, so- So- She tries to sniff the emotion back in... and fails, shoulders beginning to quake as she loses the battle against crying.]

And... I'll probably never see Gonta agaiiiinnnn-

[Hiding her face in her hands sounds like a good idea at this point, so. Into her hands it goes.]

Konoha...

[ Too late, here comes the waterworks, and Arenvald is quickly taken so very far out of his depth. He has no idea how to get her to calm down. Gods, what does he do?? Someone help!! ]

Konoha, it's okay, really! You're not going to die childless and alone I promise!

[ Where is Rion when he needs her? He has no idea how to deal with relationship stuff, let alone... all this. ]

[This is all Alphinaud's fault!!

She tries to stop, it's embarrassing, wiping the tears off her face as quickly as she can, even if they're still coming. Not just for her, but... also for Arenvald, who she incorrectly assumes is in the same situation she is, worlds away from the person they're pining for.]

But what if we both do? What if we never get back home and we never get to confess to the right people?

[And not... whatever this mess was!!]

[ Everything is Alphinaud’s fault. Every single thing.

He casts around for something she can dy her tears with, and ends up ducking briefly into the washroom to bring her a clean rag, which he holds out to her. ]

We’re not going to be stuck here forever.

[ And in trying to encourage her, he suddenly throws his own situation into very sharp relief, because his feelings are for a fellow Circle member. What if they do go home, without him ever sharing how he feels?

Quietly, ]

Ah, my person is here.

[The rag she accepts, sniffling her thanks as she takes it and tries to wipe her eyes, almost blowing her nose... then not, because she might be a country girl but she knows it's not right to do that in someone else's fabric. So sure she is in the situation that she actually doesn't even register what he says at first, assuming blindly that they are both away from the people they like.]

I know everyone keeps saying that, but wha-

[What if, though? ... Except then it does register.]

What?

[Someone here? But- They were all trying to go home, weren't they? And Arenvald... his world didn't sound like some of the ones she's heard about, like Nier's or A2's. Worlds you wouldn't want to go back to. And he had friends, and something like family back home, right?]

Really? Someone here?

[ He does want to go home. There are people there that need him, he has a job to do and is one of the very few that possesses the gift that allows him to do it. He can't just abandon the Scions and Ala Mhigo.

Which means that one day, all of this will be over. One day Astoria will send them home and he... he'll lose the people here that he cares about. Romantic feelings aside, that means leaving people like Konoha as well. He hadn't thought about that before, and the realization sits somewhere in the pit of his stomach, squirming in a darkly unpleasant way.

He hopes that, for her sake, he manages to keep his feelings off his face. ]

Yeah. Someone here.

[... Ah.

She almost asks who it was on instinct, but she bites that back for now. For all she knew, it could be a situation like with her, with Gonta, feeling like she shouldn't say because it wouldn't be fair to him, might not be right to burden him with her feelings when they might serve only to guilt him into staying somewhere he was miserable in order to be kind.

But it doesn't have to show clearly on Arenvald's face for her to know. She felt the same. Even though she wanted to go home... she would miss the friends she had made here. Miss him, and Connor, and A2, and Nier, and Emil, and Simon, and Akira, and-]

Oh, Arenvald...

[Her own painful, probably unrequited feelings momentarily forgotten, she instead reaches for his hands to hold them in hers, her expression turning softer, sympathetic.]

I'm sorry... that must be painful.

[ If he weren’t so caught up in the sudden revelation of the sheer impermanence of their stay in the Circle, he would marvel at just how much this conversation veered wildly from pumpkins to a massive misunderstanding to something almost melancholy.

As it is, he’s still reeling a little, wondering just what he’s supposed to do. Should he keep quiet, should he take the risk? Should he—

Konoha’s hands close around his own, snapping him back to reality, and he looks up at her, expression unreadable only because his feelings are too jumbled to really pick one and stay there. ]

I hadn’t… I hadn’t actually thought about it before now. Now I’m uncertain where to go from here.

[The ache from this mental whiplash will just have to catch up with them later.

It actually surprises her, when he says he hadn't thought about it. Maybe it was because he was used to magic and that sort of crazy thing... Konoha had been painfully aware ever since their arrival that this wasn't her world, that she needed to get back to her own... Been afraid she'd be stuck here, and what that would mean for her future, just like what returning would mean. She didn't talk about it as much, trying hard to be positive, to help others and keep busy instead, but...]

Do... They like you back, do you think?

[She assumes it will have to be a guess, but. She squeezes his hands, wondering which would be more painful, between keeping one's feelings to themselves or trying to be together with someone you knew may be parted from you literal worlds away any moment. It's something she's thought about a lot, in the days leading up to the completion of her current job, when she had a feeling... Gonta might go back to the mountains.]

If we can't get back to our own worlds...

[Maybe he could have someone and not be alone.]

[ He’s thought about going home, there’s not a day when he doesn’t think of it, but somehow, he failed to connect the dots of what it would mean when he started developing feelings for a fellow Circle member, and one not from his world. In fact, their two worlds could not be any different.

What a mess they’ve been put into, forcibly removed from their homes and placed into a situation where they cannot help but lean on and become close to each other. A forging of bonds that, in the end, were made to be broken. ]

I don’t know.

[ Breathed out, in answer to her question. He sees where she’s going with this, trying to find a mote of hope in the dark realization that’s opened up beneath him. He’s not so sure if he wants to latch onto that or not just yet. ]

It’s kind of… complicated.

[Complicated... Konoha knows about that. (She thinks.)]

Complicated how... ?

[Unfortunately, there's a lot of options when it came to "complicated". She considers herself one of only two people in the tram who aren't what she considers "human", or "human enough", so she naively thinks it can't be the sort of worry she might have, if she fell in love with a member of a different species...

But that still left a lot. Someone... married? Who had a family back home? Who didn't like him back?]

It's... [ Well, she knows Connor, so she would probably understand. Before he ventures any more, however, he has to be sure of something. ]

Promise me you won't say anything to anyone about this?

I promise.

[That Konoha can do, pulling one of her hands back to extend only her pinky finger in order to show how serious she was.

She might talk too much on occasion, she's pretty sure, but. She wouldn't ever willingly violate someone's trust- especially not someone who had been as kind as Arenvald.]

[ Funny how some things are the same across universes. Konoha offers what he can only assume to be a pinky promise, and it brings a small smile to his face as he reaches out with his own hand and links his pinky with hers.

He holds it there for a moment, before letting it drop to continue this stumbling sort of conversation they've found themselves in. ]

It's... ah, it's Connor.

[There, pinky promise.

And then he says "Connor", which makes her think- Oh! She should show Arenvald that she knows how to make the "emojis" now that Connor had showed her how to do it. Gosh, he was so nice, and also very helpful! Plus, he was a good friend, and-

Wait, wait, back up.]

Connor? Our Connor?!

[(What other Connor is there in the temple, Konoha!)

Just when she'd gotten her blushing under control in favor of a more serious look... it comes right back in a flood of thoughts. Connor was really hard under the "skin" he had, would he be good at cuddling or would it be kind of uncomfortable since he had wires instead of muscles? Didn't he say that loving and marrying was deviant and bad? Did metal people even have penises?!]

I'm fairly certain he's the only Connor we know.

[ He has absolutely no idea what she's thinking, and that's probably a good thing or else he'd be going red all over again. Look, Konoha, some things just aren't important!! ~~Right now~~ ]

So, you can see why it's complicated.

[Okay, he's right about that, but she just had to be sure!

Mainly because... once she shoves her initial, more unladylike thoughts back into the proverbial brain closet... why that would be complicated actually hits.

And it's... kind of a big one.]

Doesn't... Connor think love and family is bad? Not possible? Or, um... "deviant"?

[It's not something she's ever been able to actually understand the why of... Why should those things not be alright? But he'd still said it... even if she didn't quite comprehend how an Android brain was different than a humans. What programming was.]

I don’t think he finds the concepts of love or family to be bad, he just… finds them bad when applied to himself. He thinks that he doesn’t have emotions, that he shouldn’t have them.

[ He heaves a sigh, pulling a hand through his hair. He sure thought his feelings for Connor were complicated before Konoha suddenly reminded him of what going home would mean. Now he’s just… lost. ]

But… he does. I’ve seen it.

Yeah... Just. Bad for him.

[It... honestly was depressing, when she'd heard it from Connor the first time and... when she thinks about it now.

Konoha tries to think it through, find an answer, nibbling on her bottom lip a bit as her back hoof taps slowly on the floor.]

I think he does have them, because... We're friends. You can't fake that, right? Even if you're from a world with crazy technology things or magic...

[But what do they do... If he thinks they're fake?]

If you tell Connor that, I’m certain he’d just tell you it’s because he’s been programmed to integrate with people.

[ It’s very clear that Arenvald has had this conversation, or at least similar conversations, with Connor before. Their last foray into the subject got particularly heated, and was only really assuaged by a mermaid dumping the both of them into the lake.

Nothing was really solved, but at least they were still on friendly terms. ]

I think… I think he just needs time and encouragement. How he feels about me is irrelevant, as long as he learns to be his own person.

That does sound like him.

[Though she has yet to have an actual argument about it... every time Connor spoke of it she was just left confused. She definitely didn't understand programming, or even still... what androids truly were. Not really.

It's easy to believe Arenvald, because she wants to believe. Wants to think that Connor had free will and his own emotions and choices because... the alternative was too terrible.]

Well- we can do that!

[Seizing on the opportunity, Konoha clutches his hands tighter and shakes them up and down a bit, aiming for encouraging.]

I'll help!

[ At least Arenvald has technology in his world to compare with. Nothing as advanced as Connor by a long shot, so there are still many things he doesn’t quite grasp, but he probably has a better idea than Konoha.

His unwilling journey through Connor’s past probably helps as well.

But even so, Konoha just jumps right in with all four feet, clasping his hands and declaring that she will help. It’s… almost refreshing to know that he doesn’t have to fight this battle by himself. ]

You will?

[ Of course she will. He can’t imagine Konoha has a disingenuous bone in her whole body. ]

I… thank you, Konoha. Really. He needs all the support he can get.

Of course!

[There isn't a second where she thinks she won't- or a second where she allows herself to think she can't. Once you start thinking like that... there was no stopping it. And maybe she'd let herself start thinking that way about Gonta, about her chances to or the morality of telling him how she felt, but-]

You're both my friends, so I'll support Connor and Arenvald.

[In different ways, obviously, but. She smiles, a bit bittersweet, her enthusiastic shake of their hands slowing to a stop.]

And if you ever need to talk... I know how it feels. I'll listen.

Edited 2018-11-13 23:35 (UTC)

Thanks.

[ He said that already, but he feels it's worth repeating. ]

You're really an amazing friend, you know that?

[She wonders if that's true. Not because she thinks she's a bad friend, but just... She's only acting how she wished people would treat her if they were friends, so to her... it's just normal. Just how she'd been raised.

So she just tries to push the bitter from the bittersweet smile, laughing a little despite herself.]

Maybe too amazing, if your friend thought I liked you like that... I'll have to be more careful.

[Should she... praise him less, maybe? Or try not to blush when she thinks about his physique? ... Probably that one.]

I hope you didn't think it was gross or anything... I don't have many girl friends since I started working on the lumber yard, but I think men and women can be friendly even if they're not married...

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